Stupid and Empty

Soooooo...I kind of had an epiphany about 2 weeks ago.  About the band and eating.  I came the conclusion that I've pretty much been an idiot for the past year to year and half.  I was banded February 23 2010 and pretty much stopped losing weight on the one year anniversary of being banded.  Day or surgery I weighed in at 281 and on 2/22/2011 I was 199 pounds.  Last year before BOOBS I weighed 202, and this morning I weighed in at 215.  These days it is right around 212.
So here is where my stupidity comes into play.  I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO EAT.  Since being banded I pretty much only eat mushy foods, very rarely anything solid.  And when I do eat solids, I get stuck on the first bite or 2.  Sometimes it goes down, sometimes it comes back up, either way that is the way most of my meals go.
I am kind of just free writing, so I hope you can follow my crazy thoughts :-)
I've been spending a lot of time with my friend who had gastric bypass, and her husband who is banded.  Whenever I eat with them, I take a bite or 2, then stop.  Both pretty much immediately ask if I am stuck, I always say no, that I am going slow or that I will be stuck if I eat another bite.  Most of the time I am in the beginning stages of stuckdom.  I've spent time watching both of them eat, her husband definitely eats fast for a bandster, but WHAT he eats is amazing to me.  I thought that he was crazy for what & how he ate.  Then BAM it hit me that I was wrong.  He is eating "normally."  I am the one who is crazy for the way I eat.
Getting stuck on a nearly daily basis?  Not good!
So, Carmie called her surgeon (who I haven't been to in over a year!) and was 100% honest with the nurse. Yup I rely on sliders etc etc etc.  Yadda yadda yadda...I had 5 cc's in my band and now I have no cc's and an appointment for an Upper GI to rule out a slip.  Good times.
Empty band + not having eaten anything really of substance for a long time = a very very very slippery scary slope.  I can manage my eating monday through friday 8 - 5.  But when I walk in my door after work, and on weekends?  The 300+ pound worst version of myself takes over.  The one who eats without even realizing that she is eating.
Yeah, so there is that.  My upper GI is scheduled for the 8th, once a slip is ruled out I will go in for a fill (freaking 200 bucks! ggrrrrrr) and I will start from square one.  Well not really square one, since I am about 70 pounds less than the first time around (depending on where you count as my starting point lol) and I now know the mistakes I made.

Aside from that, everything is going good!  Can't wait for Chicago!  I should get over to the boobies blog to see if there is a list of attendees so I can get to know the chicks I don't know!
Still talking to and taking things slow with that awesome guy and he is still just as awesome!