Sizes:
Jeans starting pushing 26's...28's felt good
now....16 @ LB (still not in jeans anywhere else!)
Tops were funny...before I literally had everything from 26/28 to 18/20....I'm weird on top.
Now I am wearing mostly XL's from 0ld N@vy some larges and a men's XL t-shirt is definitely EXTRA large.
Bra, 42DD now a 38D is big I have to get sized again.
Oh and I THINK I lost a half shoe size lol
Now for a few visuals:
Grrr....sorry for the misalignment, total user error!
Wow. Just....wow. I was going to a "Things that suck and things that don't suck" list about losing weigh....but I will save that for another day! :-)
I love all of you and the best thing about this has been the opportunity to meet all of you. No doubt you guys are a gigantic part of my life & my progress. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me.
So after my fun with the scale this weekend, why oh why did I find it necessary to eat eat and eat all day yesterday?? Yes I am aware that I post a happy go lucky post yesterday, and this is somewhat pertaining to the post that I owe my friend Lori, but was I hiding from you guys yesterday? Was I secret eating? I was eating in plain view of all my co-workers and my bf...but I didn't tell YOU that I munch munch munching all day long. Ok perspective (not defending myself just trying to look at it a different way) my verision of pigging out now is probably equal to one meal a year ago. I'm just saying.
So am I sabotaging myself? Everyday I say to myself, "Hey Carmen, why don't you go to the gym?" Oh yeah, you didn't know that either? Yeah I haven't been to the gym since....oh.....early December? Maybe even late late November. More hiding? Maybeeeeeee.
Ok let's just get into what Lori is expecting. Last week she said to me "you are so good" she was talking about my eating etc. When I said that I really wasn't she questioned if I was hiding a lot. (all paraphrasing, sorry Lor! lol) She definitely sees the bulk of my eating (since I sit right next to her for 40 hours a week) she sees my grazing, she sees my candy munching, my hot chocolates etc etc. I hid the bag of PB hearts that I brought into work from my bf, mainly because he would have eaten all of them. I very rarely share on here all my eating habits. Why? Because I eat horribly!! I don't drink enough water, I don't get my protein in, I drink a lot of calories etc etc etc. Most of the time I don't give a flying fuck what people think about me. But you. You are different. Not that I feel like you would judge me (too much! lol) But...well now as I am typing I can't come up with a good excuse reason.
What to do, what to do? Do I need to do anything??? I cannot commit to food journaling, fuck, I lie to myself when I food journal! But, I am what I am. Most days I have a hot chocolate. Everyday I have P0P chips (damn I love those things!). I have candy every now and then, ok at least once a week. BTW that pisses me off, I never was one of those chicks that NEEDED chocolate. Now. I do. WTF?
I really don't know why I am so pissed at myself. This morning for my official weigh in I weighed in at a whopping 201. Really Carmen? REALLY? Last year you were on your pre-op diet, hovering around 28-something. Get over yourself.
I have no idea what the meaning is behind that title!! lol Since I took down all my postings I decided that as I approach my 1 year of being banded day (because like Gilly I too am not overly fond of "bandiversary") I will repost some from the same day last year. Did that sentence make sense? It seems really long and rambly, but that is me! ANYWAY.....
I started a post over the weekend but kept getting interrupted and I totally lost my flow and meaning behind the post so I scratched it. I will work on it. It had to do with my blog stalker, who is also my good friend Lori (and also my boss!) It definitely is important, so I do need to post it. Eventually...
One the main points of the trashed post was my weight....2 Tuesdays ago I weighed in at 204, over that weekend I saw 201. Then on last Tuesday I saw 207, wtf? I believe that was one of those "off" days, because Wednesday I saw 202. Then Saturday happened.....I weighed myself approximately 20 times. I saw 201, 200, 202...then....198, 197 and 195. The majority of showings was 201, but seeing that 1-something? Whooo doggie! Lovely. Since then some 201's but mostly 200 on the dang nose. It's alllllll good, I'll take it.
You know how we all have these mental images of ourselves? Well, I never saw myself as I really was. My mental image of myself was....how I am right now. Well possibly not so...thighy lol But that has got me wondering, is this where I am supposed to be?? Food for thought...
Here is my post from 2/14/10.....
Happy Valentine's Day!!! My food dream last night involved GIANT Red Velvet cupcakes, bigger than a human head! Yummmm. We also watched "Law Abiding Citizen" last night, so my dream also involved Gerard Butler. Double Yummmmmmm. Cupcakes and Gerard Butler? What can be better?? ;-)
So the BF & I had our Valentine's Day dinner last night. He wanted to go out but didn't want to have me sit there watching him while I ate nothing. I today him it was ok because anywhere he was talking about has soup so I would just have the broth. He chose American Steakhouse (a Ponderosa/Golden Corral bufffet steakhouse type place) because he figured it would have a lot of soup for me to choose from. WRONG. All they had was Split Pea & Tomato, neither one "brothy" and 2 of my least favorite soups. SOOOO.....I had 2 plates of lettuce with red wine vinegar and some green olives. LOL I still feel like I cheated, but at least it wasn't with the garlic bread that I REALLY wanted or nachos or french fries or fried shrimp, all of which I was drooling over. I was a little nervous getting on the scale this morning, but happily it went down another 1.8 pounds!
Today will be hard because we are going to a birthday party, KILLER tacos and cake. But I will pack a shake, a bar, some Jello & some yummy broth. I should be ok. (fingers crossed!)
P.S. LOL My bf just gave me my Valentine's Day presents.....6 boxes of SF Jello, 6 cans of Vegetable broth, and a box each of Chicken & Beef Broth LOL!!! You know you are a Bandster when.... He did give me my favorite flowers too! Gerbera Daisies :-)
I am trying to be a better bloggy friend....trying to comment more and trying to post more...hang tough with me!!
So one year ago today I had picked up all my pre-op crap a few days earlier, and was heading to a foosball party. I weighed in at a lovely 295 lbs. At that party I consumed many bottles of beer, ate many wings, lots of taco dip & chips, lots of cookies etc etc etc. This year, on Soooper B000wl day I weighed in at 201. Ah...what? Ok so it was fleeting and I haven't seen it again, but I WILL and more importantly I will NOT see 295 EVER again. This years party I consumed NO beer (although I wanted one) no wings (although on Sat I got a buffalo chicken salad and I still have leftovers because I got stuck on the first bite) no taco dip (although my lovely boss had some leftover today & I almost tackled her for it) and no cookies (but I did have a bite of cake).
I'll go on and toot my own horn, I have come a long way. A LOOOOOOOONG way. And I still have a long way to go, but I will get there, one step at a time.
