I'm spicy!!

My mouth is on FIRE.  I made some turkey chili yesterday morning, I looked in the spice cabinet and discovered we still had some pre-measured spices from the few chili competitions we did.  So grabbed one and dumped it in the pot.  Not thinking that it was for our competition entry, and certainly not thinking that it was for a much larger batch than I was making.  Dope.  Even the bf said it was a little too spicy!!  Oh did I mention that I also went a little over board with the pepper grinder?  Yeah, good times. 

I'm a pretty morbid person.  I think about death often, think about people in my life dying etc.  So much so that I plan out what I would do (plans, emotional breakdowns etc) if they were to die.  It gets really bad when I haven't heard from someone that I normally hear from on a regular basis.  That is all.

I already have a few vacations planned for this year....the bf & I are heading to Reno with his sister and her fiancee June 4-7.  The boys are bowling in a tournament there, should be a good time.  Anyone in that area?  Maybe we can meet up!  The second one is Disney December 8-11.  That trip will be sans bf, my brother and sister-in-law asked me to go with them, all I have to pay for is my flight!  Pretty sweet.  I haven't been there in about 15 years...They are getting the meal plans and called last night to talk about my eating.  They are going to see if they can get a discount since it is highly unlikely that I will be able to eat 3 meals (app meal & dessert) and 2 snacks a day!  I'm going to get them a copy of the "Hey I had weight loss surgery, don't charge me for a whole flippin meal since I will eat about 2 bites of it) card and see if that does anything.  Any hints?  All my Florida girls keep those dates in mind, I'd love to see your beautiful faces!

Hmm....do I have anything else for you? 

Oh I totally forgot...at my PCP appointment they took some blood to check my thyroid and stuff.  The nurse called today to let me know that my thyroid level is low and I am deficient in folate.  No wonder why I have been feeling so depressed and no energy!  I picked up the prescriptions and I have yet to look at the the folic acid pills....I'm worried to see what size they are... My dumb ass just needs to actually TAKE these pills...along with the dang vitamins AND the calcium.  Grrr...I am so bad at that!  If I was on the pill (and actually having sex) I'd probably be knocked up by now!

The bf & I went shopping yesterday, he bought me a really cute pair of C0nverse black & white sequined sneakers in a size 10.5, I was so excited to find a 10.5!!  Normally I am an 11, I've been noticing that my shoes are getting a little big.  I wasn't sure that I was going to lose any shoe sizes because even though I have big feet they have always been narrow.  It's always really hard to find shoes!  They are really cute!  Yes I am 36 and excited over a pair of sequined sneakers lol 

ok...I think I am done for now.  Love to you all!  Oh and I see I have a handful of new followers, HI!  I recently took down the years worth of posts that I had written.  Not really sure why, I think I kind of wanted to wipe the slate clean.  But I am (for the most part) an open book, anything you want to know just ask!  I think there is a link to email me over there <---------  :-)

Friday

So wanna know something that is SUPER fun???  Right before leaving work grab a handful of peanuts, jam them in your mouth (because you have been forgetting that you have a band) then hop into your car for a 40 minute drive....with no traffic.  Then you hit the traffic....and you realize that the handful of nuts (ahem lol) are stuck like it's their f-ing job.  Rapidly look around your car (as your are crawling along at a whopping 5 mph) and the only thing you find is an empty water bottle.  Proceed to spend the next 30 min sliming and spitting in the bottle.  Then realize (once the bottle is half full...or half empty depending on how you look at it...) that the bottle just ain't cutting it, you need a bag. The only bags in your car are your beloved C bag (hellllllllll no I'm not puking in that!) or your lunch bag.  Go ahead and yark up that damn clump of nuts....while a hot guy in the suv next to you looks on in horror.

AWESOME.

Not sure if I am getting sick or what, but I've had a bad sore throat for a week.  Therefore I have been swollen and tight for a week.  Bleh.  Sucks.  Whatevs. 

Tomorrow is my last day at the makeup place, I'll miss my girls but I won't miss working weekends.  I am sooooooooooo stoked to have my weekends back!! 

I'm hopping on to Draz's BYOC  (dirty)

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yup and soul mates etc but I also believe that you can have more than one soul mate and more than one ONE.  Each one gives you and fulfills something different while "completing" (and complimenting) you. 

2. What’s your idea of a romantic evening?

Depends one who the evening is with :-)  If you are with the right person any thing can be romantic...I feel like I am writing a personal ad lol

3. Who was your first crush?

1st serious crush was Brian, a skinny blond haired blue eyed boy.  Thus started my love affair with blue eyed boys.

4. What do you believe is a stronger emotion – love or hate?

I like Bonnie's answer, about them being opposite sides of the same coin but equal.  I fully agree.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blogland and in real life.

Thinking about Barbara, how much you all mean to me and how grateful I am to know all of you.

Cancer can suck a fat one

Cancer is a horrible thing that I don't wish on anyone.  It touches every person involved, even if they don't actually have it.  Once upon a time there was a show centered around a family that ran a funeral home, one of the characters said that watching a loved one lose their battle to cancer was like watching that person in the ocean, and every wave takes them further and further out until all you can see is your memory of them.  Ok that isn't verbatim, but you get the point. 

As most of blogland has been posting, our dear friend Barbara lost her husband.  I too am one of those people that had the pleasure to meet Barbara in Chicago, and I too am one of those people that she talked to, saying things that many people have said before, yet somehow HER words are the ones that constantly run through my head. 

Barbara I hope you know how much we all love you and how much you have touched all of us. 

in the bathroom

Having a thin moment :-)

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Open bar

Here I am again!  I think I am fairly current on my blog reading, but again because I've been reading on my phone that doesn't allow me to comment.  I hope you all know how important you are to me! 

So far 2011 has been interesting.  I see that many of you have been chosing your words for the year, I have come to realize that mine is REALIZATION.   Oh am I supposed to put the definition?  Let me go grab it....who knows it might make me realize even more that it is right for me. 

Definition of REALIZATION


1: the action of realizing : the state of being realized

2: something realized

Yeah, no, pretty much what I thought lol  So anyway, so far this year I have realized and started to deal with (aka fix) two things in my life.  And in doing that I have realized that one of those things I just can't change or fix.  That thing is understanding just how much other people affect me.  Meaning moods, attitudes etc.  There are some people that I am definitely more in tune with, but most of the time I feel what someone close to me is feeling.  I don't think I can fix/change this, I realize that it is just a part of me.  But I do need to learn how to....I don't know....maybe compartmentalize it?  I don't like my moods changing based on someone elses' mood.

The other thing?  Well I am not ready to share it, I am still in the throes of processing it.  I just had this realization a few days ago.  I will go on record and say that this does not have anything to do with the bf.

Moving on....this coming Friday night is my brother's (and sister in law!  I have to get used to it lol) wedding reception.  I am excited and nervous all at the same time.  There will be a few family members there that....well....aren't really high on my list of people that I like.  I don't want to go into too much detail, but I have been made to feel like shit and that they are genuinely upset that they are related to me.  Not only will they be there, but I found out today that I am sitting at the table with them.  Hence the title....open bar.  I need to be careful and hopefully not get mouthy.  The bf is not going with me, I told him that he didn't have to, that it wasn't important to me for him to be there...and it isn't. 

Job is going good, I gave my notice at the make up place (my last day is the 29th) Eating is going ok, weight loss is still the 1-2 lbs a week.  I saw my primary care doctor the other day, he is very happy with my progress. 

Yadda yadda yadda.....I should have some pics to post.  Funnily enough I hope that someone takes pics of me and tags me in them!  My my how things change huh????

Yup

It's me, and yup I'm still around.  No I haven't caught up on blogs, I try to read a few each day but it seems that I only get through that day....just a few moments ago I realized that maybe instead of going through the whole blog roll I should just tackle each person and read what I missed.  We shall see. 
I think my life calls for a few bullets (blog bullets, not real ones lol)

• New job is going well, very busy, fairly stressful yadda yadda yadda.  But it's a small company, bosses are pretty laid back and it's a good paycheck for me. 
• At the end of January I am going to leave my pt makeup job (I didn't tell them yet though!) I just don't have enough time for....anything else.  I haven't been to the gym in....not even sure how long it's been, at least 3 weeks!  I need my weekends back!
• For those of you not on my fb (or for those of you who are but just didn't notice, my baby bro got married on Decemberr 23!  (That is one of the "secrets" I mentioned a few months ago)  Originally it was just going to be the 2 of them at the ceremony, but he called and left a very sweet voicemail that made me cry telling me that he needed me there.  The first time I saw him in his tux the waterworks started a flowing  I am confident in saying that I now know what a mother feels when her son gets married.  They are having a reception in a few weeks and I must find something fabulous to wear since quite a few family members will be there along with all of my brothers friends.  99% of the attendees (that I know) haven't seen me in 90+ pounds, some in over 100 lbs.  I am very proud of the man my baby brother has become, I can only imagine the pride that my parents would feel.

Lisa (my sister in law!) my bro, me and Lisa's son Jack.

• On the band front and weight loss....I got a snidge of a fill a few weeks ago (the point 1 that I had taken out right before Chicago) I was getting hungry quite often and was grazing.  I seem to be back to good (although right now I am sick and with all the post nasal crap I seem to get stuck on everything)  I weighed in at 209 this past Tuesday, I have seen 207 a few times and a 205 for a hot second but nothing else.  Size wise I am pretty much out of LB tops (I might be a solid 14 on top) 0ld Naaaavy tops in XL are pretty good.  Bottoms LB 16 fit perfect but that's it, ON 16's are sausage casings and I haven't ventured anywhere else.  I definitely need to get measured for a new bra, the girls are definitely shrinking! 
• A few people have mentioned to me that they don't believe that I have much more weight to lose.  That has got me thinking...how much do I want to weigh?  I have never really had a number, I always said that I would be happy at a size 14 whatever weight that ended up being.  My "goal" was just a a number I picked, I figured that it was far enough from 200 that I could really manage it.  That goal?  185.  24 pounds less than I weigh right now.  I definitely can't wait to get under 200.  It is very possible that the last time I weighed under 200 I was a teenager, a very young teenager, most likely 13....or 12.....probably 11.  I'm just going to roll with the punches and see where I end up.   

Ok that is all for now....thank you for sticking with me.  Oh one more thing....did anyone notice that I took down all my old posts?  They aren't deleted, just not posted.  It felt like something I needed to do, no real reason.  But I went back and read the first post that I had comments on (it was actually my second post) my first 3 commenters?  Stephanie, Gilly and Sandy :-)  Thank you ladies for sticking with me for a year now!!  Happy Anniversary xoxo