Sticking my head in the sand

So....I've been avvoiding blogland.  I can't say 100% for sure if it was on purpose, or for a specific reason.  I have about 500 PLUS blogs to read, plusI just started following about a million more people on the BOOBS list and I am REALLY irked that you have to go through about 15.7 steps to unfollow someone (seriously why can't the "follow" button turn to "unfollow" once you are following a person??)  I am going to make a decision to read posts daily, AND comment.  I get a half hour for lunch, I vow to you, my dear friends and followers, to read and comment daily.  Normally I am of the school that I only comment when I feel like my comment adds something, but I realize that sometimes a comment that I may think is worthless/cheesy/unimportant etc means the world to the person recieving the comment.

I am still not losing any weight, but I am not gaining either.  I am still bouncing bettween 198 and 201, on a fraking daily basis.  It is so frustrating because I have ZERO restriction, and I can pretty much eat anything (and everything!)...user error has caused a few stuck moments.  It is amazing to me that 5.2 and 5.1 cc's I am way too tight, getting stuck on everything etc.  But at 5 cc's I'm basically wide open.  Really?  That sucks.  I know that I need to put more thought and care into my food choices.  I know that I need to stop drinking so many calories (alcoholic ones).  I need to cut the shit and get back on the band wagon.  Period.  End of sentence.

After the month of Crossfit ended, I didn't renew the membership.  At the time because I just didn't have money and the timing was off because we were heading to Reno & Tahoe.  Yadda yadda...now I am back home.  Still don't have money, my ass is broke-ity broke.  But I NEED to do Crossfit.  I went to the regular gym yesterday, tried to do the Crossfit work out...it didn't work.  I felt more judged at the regular gym than at the Crossfit gym.  Which is hysterical because the regular gym is one with the tag line that they are a "judg e ment fre e zo ne"  I am going to FIND the funds and I am going to spring for the one on one trainer.  One month at a time. 

I am supremely depressed.  There is so much that I want to do, and need to do....but....there are a thousand buts.  That is all.

On the trip back from Reno & Tahoe we had a layover that turned into an overnight in Chicago.  Is it September yet?  :-)  I'm excited for BOOBS 2011!  To see everyone from last year and meet all the new people who didn't go last year.  I am rooming with the lovely and infamous Drazil and Jenny...I'm also still crossing my fingers for the 4th roomie to change her mind! 

I am also very happy to report that I am an Auntie for the first time!!  My bro and sister in law had their son yesterday morning, he is so adorable!!!  Oh and I am compelled to add this because in the past day I have heard this question about 20 times.....NO this does not start my clock ticking and NO this does not make me want one of my own.  I am very excited to be an Auntie not so much to be a Mommy.  :-)

Oh and here is a pic from Tahoe...excuse the jacked up hair goofy facial expression (bf doesn't give any warning, just snaps the pic lol) and lack of make up.....but I like how...NON fat I look :-)  The jeans are LB size 16 (14's are still too tight!) and the track jacket is a junior XL from H0t T0p1c  :-)  And NSV....one flight we were in the exit row with the non moveable arm rests....I had EXTRA room in the seat, about 7 inches on extra seat belt AND I could sit with my legs crossed.  Lovely, absolutely lovely!