News flash...things change!!

   That is me, sipping on a Shamrock shake.  You may recall last year....well I was going to add last years version of that pic but Blogger (or my computer) is acting up.  Anyway...I've always loved those dang shakes.  I would look forward to March every year just for them.  I recall that one year, EVERY SINGLE DAY I had one.  Along with the QP with cheese value meal.  I was so excited to have one this year, I told myself that I was only going to have half of it.  So what happened?  I got it, they put piles of whipped cream on top which I wasn't happy about.  I took a sip and....wow that is pretty sweet.  Another sip, damn that is really fucking sweet.  One more sip, bleh.  Oooooonnnneeeee more sip.....man this is fucking nasty.  Then I threw it away.  The 300 lb version of me would have kept drinking it.  Then polished off the value meal.  Yup.

I went bra shopping today because the 38D ones are big, both band & cup.  I went to LB, because that is what I know.  Measure me up lady.  36D.  Pretty much what I thought.  Went in the dressing room...yeah not so much.  The chick brought me 36DD and 38C.  One thing I never knew with my big knockers before was that my right one is bigger.  Now that the National-Geographic-Tit-Fairy has visited me it is noticeable.  I left with no bras, after an hour & half of trying on all 3 sizes in every style LB has.  That sucks.  You know what else sucks?  The mass of loose skin and crevices that make up my armpits.  That's ok, I will deal with it rather than the extra nearly 100lbs.  The bf has offered to shave my pits for me because there is a canyon sized spot that I cannot get.  Lovely.

I've done something that I must admit to you.  I told one of my friends about this and she told me she would beat me up if I did it again.  I've done it twice.  I web searched it and it turns out it is an eating disorder.  Two times I ate something that I knew was bad and I knew it wouldn't go down.  So I chewed it up and spit it out.  Nasty.  I felt disgusting doing it.  I was ashamed.  I was disappointed.  I did it in my car, at the far end of a parking lot, hiding.  I won't do it again.  Period.

My 199 was a fleeting thought....it went up to 204.  Then down to 202.  Then rested at 200.  I had an appointment with my bariatric PA, talked to her about the self sabotage.  She talked about getting to a spot that someone has never been to, and getting scared.  Because conceiveably the last time I was under 200 I was a teenager, and EARLY teenager.  She suggested that I use my support system, she specifically said you guys (I told her about blogging and BOOBS etc) and maybe the bariatric therapist.  We shall see about that one, but definitely using you guys!  My follow up appointment with my PCP involved a lot of questions about my drop in energy, some confusion etc.  He asked if I could be preggers, I said NOOOOOOO he said are you sure?  I said "Do you still have to have sex to get pregnant?"  He said yes, and I said "still no chance"  lol  They took 5 (I think) vials of blood.  Checking everything, still waiting for the results.  But I've been feeling better.  I think I was wicked dehydrated.  My dear Lori bought a case of water to work and we are having a drinking contest, at least 1 bottle of water at work, we are saving the caps and will do some sort of art project at some point.  Neither one of us drink nearly enough, but we are working on it.  For Lent I gave up dehydration lol.  Hydrate!

I cannot wait for next weekend!  I get to see some of my favorite BOOBS, hopefully it will tide me over until I can see the rest of my favorite BOOBS in September!